This was another pretty good weekend. On Friday I met up with Ben and Kate at Shepard's Bar. It's a really cool place, spacious and loungey, lots of couches. The music was excellent too - funk, mambo, and towards the end of the night, good hip hop (maybe I am a hip hopper?).
Saturday was Ben's birthday! He is 34 years old! Wow.
He had dinner at that Italian place near his house, on All Saint's Road. There were about 9 there, mostly people he had gone to school with, ranging from secondary school mates to uni friends. I was the youngest one there by far. The next youngest person there was probably 32. I could get along with them fine, but it's obvious that they're entering a different stage in life. His friend Richard has kids! Two of them! And he says that having kids is not different from having a partner. I can not belive this. I want to, since he has kids and I don't, but I just can't.
It was also very interesting to speak to women this this age group. The girls at the table told me that they were once all like me. And then eventually, the idea of having children didn't completely horrify them.
I don't know why this occupies my mind so much. If I don't want them, I won't. And if I do, I will. But I am feeling all this pressure now. I am scared that my mind and body changes in ways that I feel is not in my best interests. I'm scared that because I don't want kids I'll miss out on a whole chunk of potential life partners. I am afraid that once I hit 31, I will suddenly want children and my life partner (who thought I didn't want them) will be pissed. Because of all of this, I feel like I have to decide now.
I wish I did want them because everyone says it's the most amazing experience of your life.